For the "Every Man's Battle" group this past week, we discussed practical ways for men to move toward freedom from sexual bondage. I shared with the group that one thing that helped me tremendously was putting a personal purity commitment down on paper and giving it to my accountability partners, so they could hold me to my commitments.
If this is something you think would be helpful in your walk, here is my personal purity commitment. No two will be the same because they are based on your personality as well as where you have struggles.
My personal purity commitment is the Eph 5:3 standard of not even a hint of sexual immorality. The following is a list of my personal boundaries that I want to be held accountable to keeping. They meet the above standard and also protect areas of past vulnerabilities.
1. No physical intimacy of any kind until engaged
2. After engaged, only holding hands and short “peck” kisses – no make out sessions
3. No roaming hands anywhere until married, not even above the neck
4. No sitting or laying in laps – always four feet on the ground until married
5. No giving or receiving massages until married
6. Internet standard beyond the Covenant Eyes filter to meet the Eph 5:3 standard
7. Before married, never behind a closed door or any place alone with a female. After married, same standard for any other female
8. No lingering of my eyes or double takes on anyone other than wife
9. No engaging in sexual talk on any level or participate in joking with others
10. No books, magazines, movies or places that do not meet the Eph 5:3 standard
11. No chatting online except with friends and family
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11 comments:
"Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control." Proverbs 25:28
God showed me this scripture right before I started dating as a Christian many years ago.
I've had relationships where I have followed these strict principles and relationships where I did not.
I don't have to tell you which relationships were more meaningful and special.
I think those are rules everyone can and should abide by.
I don't necessarily always follow them, but in retrospect, I certainly wish that I had. Those rules would have saved me a lot of heartache and personal disparaging.
As a teenager I got a tattoo of a line in a chastity sutra tattooed on my inner thigh. I wonder if I had kept it there as a reminder of my constant beliefs if I would have done things differently.
I agree with Ron. Relationships always have something extra when you don't give it all away.
And of course, when you don't give it all away it's easier to remain friends in the event of a breakup.
I know that what you are dealing with is an incredible struggle that no one can ever begin to understand.
I think you are handling things very well and I am so glad that you are willing to share your struggles (and triumphs) with us.
I'm proud of you.
Hey hun! Its Vanessa from nyc...I was trying to google your name to find your email addy because I dont have aol anymore (my old laptop crashed) and came across this page! Email me at Vanessarobin17@gmail.com and let me know how you have been! Things here are going well, been married for almost 6 months already, can you believe it? :) k email me soon!
Speechie...I wouldn't say these are "rules" and these aren't necessarily a list for everyone as some of them are very specific to my life. You have to look at your convictions as well as your areas of weaknesses and then define boundaries that will assist you in living up to those standards.
I agree. The guidelines are essential for some people, while they would cause unnecessary burden for others.
Anyone who can find their balance is ahead of the game.
Hi,
Amen to your post. I am so THANKFUL that God created a man like you and I really admire that you are following God's perspective, we live to please and glorify His name in all we do including dating. When God’s laws and principles are obeyed, they bring countless blessings, benefits and good things into the lives of those who obey them.
I believe in true love waits, I made a commitment to God, myself, my family, my friends, my future mate, and my future children to a lifetime of purity including sexual abstinence until the day I enter a biblical marriage relationship. And I can't wait to see how God will bless you with your faithful heart and desire for Him.
ltl4Christ...thanks for the visit and the comment. God is definitely faithful to those who put their trust in Him alone.
Overtime I've learned no matter how succesful we are, we all face challenges, struggles, and times when things don't go our way. God has a divine purpose for every challenge that comes into our life. He doesn't send the problems, but sometimes He allows us to go through them. The Bible says temptations, trails, and difficulties must come, because if we are to strengthen our spiritual muscles and grow stronger, we must have adversities to overcome and attacks to resist. Moreover, it's in the tough times of life that we find out what we're really made of. As odd as this may seem, the trials can be beneficial :).
(1 Peter 4:12) The trial is intended to test our quality,
our character, to test our faith. God will use those trials to refine us. He's trying to shape us into the person He wants us to be. If we will learn to cooperate with God and be quick to change and correct the areas that He brings to light, we'll pass that test, and we will be promoted to a new level. We are God's workmanship - Ephesians 2:10
Couldn't have said it any better! =)
I love your heart for purity. I think the standard of Eph.5:3 is one that needs to be trumpeted throughout the church.
Thanks for your comments,
Luke Gilkerson
Covenant Eyes Community Manager
www.covenanteyes.com
i missed reading your blog =), it makes me smile to think of the beginnings....
i just told a friend of mine how this post was attracted to me of you...and the rest was history =).
EYAMM
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